To Stay Or Go…Searching For Faith In The UMC LGBT Vote
I am not a bleeding heart member of the United Methodist Church. I did not grow up in the church. I grew up Catholic-ish, receiving first communion to check a box for my parental grandparents, but not sticking around long enough for confirmation. I started attending the downtown Dallas United Methodist Church in 2004 after attending the wedding of close friends there, and being invited with my wife to attend a young couples Sunday School class.
We loved it immediately. The class was a diverse group of 20–30 somthings all in the early stages of creating married lives together. When our Agape Sunday School class started, there were only a few members with children. Now we have 20plus kids between us. The class has been a rock for the past 15 years, providing all the classic soulful nourishments you’d expect. Celebration in the joys, and comfort in the tragedies. A true extension to our friends and family. A faith family.
And through the 15 years, I’ve been on my own faith journey. Coming in, I was a skeptic of faith, and to put a fine point on it — religion. I was the kid in Catholic Sunday School raised my hand during the lesson on Jesus feeding the masses with one basket of fish and said, “Really? Did that REALLY happen?!?!”
I’m a skeptic by nature. And as a young person that meant rebellion to the organized gathering of people in the name of God. It seemed like a scam. A pyramid scheme perpetuated by the powerful to control the masses — and in the most brazen televangilsts of my youth, a cult of personality designed to enrich the few at the expense of the poor. Even though I’m much older now, and see much more grey in life than the black and white judgement of before, I still see those trappings in religion.
But somehow through this barrier of bullshit detecting, the love I have for my church has only grown. I believe this starts with the basic fundamentals of what it means to be a Methodist. In simple term that even I can understand, it’s about beling on a journey of faith. You can be the most devout bible memorizing devote Christian, and in our faith you are equal to the person who has all the doubts of mortal men, and each can be a Methodist. Each is on their journey to God. Each is valid. Each is loved by Jesus.
That gave me comfort from the beginning, and allowed me to fight my natural inclination to flee when my faith was tested early in my years at the church. And the warm hearts and minds of those surrounding my wife and eventual two kids in steadfast love gave me a freedom I didn’t have as a young man. It was the freedom to let go of anger. To see the faults in others and the world in of itself, and wish (hope and pray) for a better outcome, but not be afraid of the uncomfortableness when logic and love were lacking.
In time, grace became my personal mission. Love became my tool. A desire to help others a calling. I’ve fallen far short of these goals much more than I’ve succeeded. But First United Methodist Church Dallas has been a pillar of strength for me on my journey. I couldn’t imagine my life, or my family’s existence without it.
But here we are today. Last week, United Methodists from around the world gathered to vote on the stance of LGBT marriage and clergy in our church. In my eyes, in my heart, I know WE as Methodists failed. We allowed fear to continue policies denoucing the love between two humans. Love our church has welcomed, seen, and celebrated first hand with our many LGBT members. It also failed by not allowing LGBT people to be recocognized as clergy. Again, all in the name of tradition.
We, as followers of Jesus, who implored us to love our neighbor as ourself made a very human mistake taking this stance. History will show us we failed to live up to the grace and love He provides us all. I have no doubt all loving God speaks through my heart to this news. The GOOD NEWS. Love will win.
But for now, what do we do? How do we reconcile our faithful hearts with the global bureaucracy of the church?
Ignore? Turn a blind eye? Schism?
I vote fight. Fight with love. Be the radical Jesus taught us to be. A radical leader of love.
I will continue to welcome all others into our church. I will speak up for those that are oppressed searching for the love I found in my faith journey. I will continue to support the many humbling ministries within our local church that do so much for our youth, the homeless in Dallas, and the hearts and minds of those who enter the doors to FUMC.
What I plan on discontinuing is giving money that can be funneled up to the larger church. I will not support an organization that does not stand up for the basic idea that ALL of God’s children are worthy to be married and serve to their best abilities in our church. Blind donation will end. It’s not that my family’s monthly donation is at a level where it could even be noticed to the bottom line of the church as a whole. But I cannot give in good conscious to an organization who’s mission is to bring the good word to the world while mutilating that message in the name of tradition. There simply must be a way to donate our allotment of money to specific ministries like homeless outreach, or even to the maintenance of our building. As long as my money isn’t going to the larger UMC organization.
I have every faith our current FUMC Dallas leaders will find ways to help our family get our meager donation to the right ministries that make sense. They are good in every sense of the word. And hopefully this ask will become a tool our church, and other like-hearted FUMC churches can use to show the church as a whole the real damage these votes have done. I don’t know logisticlaly what this means this minute. But I welcome the conversations I’m sure I’ll be having in the near future to find the right balance to move toward grace for our church.
I’m not leaving my church. Not when my church needs me. I’ll fight for love with love. Now more than ever.
